Good Morning Readers.
Thought I might write about something happy for a change.
My fiance and I recently bought a house in Bellingham. We both went to university in the beautiful city and it’s where we met. It holds a special place in my heart. One of the few things that currently still brings me joy everytime I think about it.
The house isn’t big coming in at 1000 sq ft. Just shy of our current apartment in Seattle. It has a beautiful yard and well established garden in the backyard with room to add more raised beds.
We are going to rent it out until next May. Move in right before we get married. It’s absolutely perfect timing.
Until then I can daydream and tell you our plans.
Already writing about something that makes me happy is improving my mood so I know this is the right thing to share today.
The outside is a light shade of yellow with a white door. That will be the first thing to change. We can’t decide between painting the door a dusty, rust red or a deep ocean blue. When you walk inside you are immediately in the small living room with floor to ceiling windows that overlook Bellingham Bay. So beautiful in the summer.
The kitchen is to the right. The walls will be left the off white color. Our cabinets will be painted a light sea foam green or soft pink. We will remove the doors and paint the insides the same color. There is a little breakfast nook that’s perfect for morning coffee.
There are two bedrooms in the back of the house with a bathroom situated in between. Small but cute. The master bedroom will be painted a happy color but darker so as to help at night. Sleep comes easily to me but I tend to wallow in bed during dark days. Want to surround myself with happiness and light. Even if I have to fake the emotion at first to then feel it for real. It’s like when someone tells you to smile even if you don’t feel like it. You’re supposed to then start smiling with genuine happiness or contentment. That’s what I want my bedroom to feel like.
The second bedroom is smaller and will be perfect for a little office while we both commute to Bellevue. This room is already a sweet dusty blue color so there isn’t anything to do. Except give the severly scratched hardwood flooring a nice buff and a little love. Once we decide the time is right we will convert this room into the nursery. The idea is something else that still brings me joy when I think about children and the future.
The backyard has to be my favorite place on the entire property.
A fenced vegetable garden with 5 large raised beds had already been built and kept when we bought the home.
We plan to expand the garden and use different parts of the yard for different fruits and veggies. We are both vegetarian and plan to live off our own garden and supplement anything we are missing from the local farmers market. I have also convinced Sam we need to build a chicken coop and run so we can raise chickens. We currently receive our eggs from one of my coworkers who owns a farm. We are spoiled with fresh organic eggs every week but I would love to save the $5/dozen and have our own fresh eggs to gather every morning for breakfast.
I plan on convincing Sam to let me raise some ducks as well. Duck eggs are heavenly and amazing to cook baked goods with.
I already have plans for our next house as well. Our current home is not big enough for more than one child.
The tentative plan is to move a little further out into the county into a 3 bedroom home with more land. We will expand the garden so as to become fully sustainable for our little family. I am going to add pigs and rabbits to farm too so we can raise and sell. Who knows? We may end up eating meat again.
Who knows.
I am beyond excited for this life I have painted in my mind for Sam and me. This dream has recently just taken the first step towards reality. This is what keeps me going some days. In my darkest moments – like now – I think about this future. While writing this I actually feel happy.
Sometimes I think about what would life be like if everything just stopped. Sometimes I am just so exhausted. Trying to avoid touching everyone and my reflection in every mirror is impossible. The amount of anxiety I feel about these things is progressively increasing each day. I can’t sustain this forever. Sometimes I just think about the immense feeling of relief I would feel if it were to just end. This prison my brain has manifested in the real world.
But then I think about everything that I told you. Painting my front door. Eating breakfast in the early mornings while the sun rises over the Bay. Raising chickens and feeling a sense of accomplishment every time I get to collect eggs from my own coop. These little non-sensical things are what keep me going every day. Because the only thing that beats the darkness I feel. The utter defeat and dreaming of release is this little house. The possibilities in my future. Of the future I am one step closer to making a reality. And it makes all of this worth it.
Or at least I hope it does.
I am known for being a bit dramatic and fantastical.
I have a good, warm feeling about this future though. It’s within reach. So why not continue dreaming?
Before I go I will leave you with this. I have had a lot of pushback from family and friends about this lifestyle Sam and I are working towards. But it makes me happy. It makes US happy. So I think people should stop caring what other people thing about their hobbies and dreams. Because if it makes them happy then who cares? I find myself judging people who are different than me. “Weird” people as my brain automatically labels them upon sight. I am actively stopping myself in those moments and instead saying – “why do you care? They’re happy doing whatever it is and living their best life. Who are you to judge?”
I know it’s easier said than done but damn. People should be just a little but nicer in this world. I suspect it would go a long way. And would allow people to be happier. Maybe not feel like they have to hide who they are or how they feel.
The world needs a sense of worth, and it will achieve it only by its people feeling that they are worthwhile.
Mister Rogers
Until next time.
It's All In My Head 