I wanted to start writing a blog to see if this would help me. I have been struggling with something for a long time but I don’t I haven’t aknowledged what it was until just a few weeks ago. I still feel so weird just typing the words. Eating Disorder.
Wow. Feels like such ugly words. Eating Disorder. When I see those words I see failure. But probably not in the way that you might think. I have failed because I need help, because I have let myself get to such a scary place, and I feel like the biggest failure because I’m not even skinny.
There is one of the biggest misconceptions I will be dealing with over the course of my life. Why do I feel like I try so hard, workout, eat right, and yet still be big. Yes I have an eating disorder. But I am not what someone automatically thinks when they image those words in their mind. I am not this stick thin, ill looking woman who you think needs to eat more. People tell me I am fine, beautiful even just the way I am. Yet all I see is the failure to be that skinny girl that everyone envys.
I am sure this blogging will get easier with time but for the most part it feels like a whining, rambling mess. Maybe the next one will be better.
I will leave you (if “you” is actually anyone but me) with this. I have reached the end of my rope and am desperate for anything to help me feel better. I am hoping that by writing every day about my goals, struggles, aspirations and life events it will help me achieve my goal, obviously related to weight, in a healthy way. But let’s take things one baby step at a time shall we?
To everyone who has been told their ideas about how they think or feel about themselves that it is all in your head, you are not alone.
Until tomorrow.
It's All In My Head 